My pops loves watching TV. It’s his new national pastime. He once gave up going to a Durham Bulls game to stay home and watch “Dancing with the Stars,” which led to constant teasing from me, and the threat of pulling his man card. The only thing keeping me in his house, granted I’m 34-years-old, is my ability to fix the TV. I was once charged with getting the smart features back on the TV after he got upset and cancelled them — performing the world’s first smart-TV lobotomy — because he couldn’t remember the email and passwords to the accounts.
If Bill Simmons were to write a column on being a TV junkie, I’m sure one of his requirements would be having at least one favorite TV show for each night of week, which under Simmons’ rule, my dad would qualify.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I now present my case. A list of my dad’s favorite TV shows by days of the week:
Monday: “Dancing with the Stars,” “The Voice,” “The Bachelor/Bachelorette” and “Taken.”
Tuesday: “The Voice” and “Chicago Fire.”
Wednesday: “Chicago PD.”
Thursday: “Chicago Med” and “The Blacklist.”
Friday: “Hawaii Five-O” and “Blue Bloods.”
Saturday: “48 Hours.”
Sunday: “Madam Secretary.”
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I rest my case. With one, sometimes two, TV shows he watches every night, it’s safe to say my dad is guilty of being a TV junkie. I suggest a light sentencing, though. There are a lot worse things in which he could be addicted. Cinemax skin flicks, betting on horses named Lucky and Two Left Feet or political talk radio.
In fact, I’m going to go as far as developing a power rankings of his favorite TV shows to make it easier for him to choose which ones he should DVR and which ones he should watch live in the face of conflict. Love you pops!
1. “Blue Bloods”
If my dad were to be banished to a desert island and only provided with a TV and one show to watch for the rest of eternity, it would be “Blue Bloods.” There’s something about watching the Reagans, a family of New York crime fighters, that enthralls him. Any time we’re out on a Friday night and it gets close to 10 p.m., he scampers home faster than Tyrone Biggums on his way to a five ‘o’ clock free crack giveaway. He loves the show so much, he watches re-runs he’s already seen on the ION Television Network. Now, that’s being positively entertained.
T-2. “Dancing with the Stars” and “The Voice”
As I write this, I just witnessed him turn the channel off “The Bachelorette” to watch the live finale of “The Voice.” I know that doesn’t sound very significant so think of it this way. Him giving up “The Bachelorette” for another show is the same as a parent trading its less gifted child for a Brainiac who will create the next Internet.
What was he watching before he made the decision to switch it? You got it. The first night of the finale for “Dancing with the Stars.”
3. “The Bachelor/Bachelorette”
I really don’t understand why he watches this show. It’s absolute dribble. Some people say Donald Trump’s election marked the beginning of America’s descent into “Idiocracy,” but I say it was the creation of “The Bachelor/Bachelorette” that got us started down that slippery slope.
The show has no redeemable qualities. The only thing that would make it watchable was if they chose a contestant with more venereal diseases than Aldous Snow from “Get Him to the Greek” and “Forgetting Sarah Marshall.” Watching the contestants race to CVS or the free clinic for penicillin shots and Valtrex are the only two things that could save a show featuring people complaining about competition after signing up for a dating competition show. Sorry being white and from Connecticut didn’t help you out this time.
Somehow, though, he loves it. It’s his jam.
4. “Madam Secretary”
This show is actually educational for him. He learns about diplomacy. How we deal with other countries. And hopefully, a little more respect for what Hillary Clinton went through during her time as Secretary of State. This is my favorite of all the shows he watches.
5. “The Blacklist”
Raymond “Red” Reddington is one cold dude. “The Concierge of Crime,” wheeling and dealing secrets to and brokering deals between some of the world’s most dangerous criminals. Add in Mr. Kaplan’s revenge plot this season, and you’ve got the recipe for a great show. Plus, Megan Boone isn’t hard on the eyes. Another one of my favorites of his.
6. “Chicago P.D.”
There’s something about watching Sergeant Hank Voight slam perps heads into tables that my pops loves. He also yells at the TV when a mother confronts the police about her son or daughter being shot. Out of all these shows, this is the one he’s most likely to get upset if I talk to him while he’s watching it.
7. “Chicago Fire”
He loves his Chicago-based police and emergency services dramas. Like “Chicago PD,” I know he’ll get annoyed if I talk during the show, so I usually stay quiet. He once got mad and went off on me when I asked him a question about the show while he was watching it. To his credit, the show has more twists and turns than a 100-foot pretzel and you have to pay attention to everything. Plus, he apologized for snapping and caught me up to speed.
8. “Chicago Med”
This show is the second most educational for him. It teaches him about rare diseases and how to cure them, plus helps him know when he might need to go to the doctor to get that mole on his back checked out. Good thing he hasn’t learned about WebMD yet, though, because at the rate he watches this show, he would have convinced himself of having every disease on the show.
9. “Hawaii Five-O”
My dad wanted to be an FBI agent. He tried out for the bureau but it didn’t work out for him, so detective shows are some of his favorites. I also think one of the reasons he loves this show so much is the fact it’s a remake of one of his favorite shows from back in the seventies.
I really can’t blame him for watching this show. It’s funny, has a solid plot and story line and features Chi McBride and Jorge Garcia. Now that’s a fun day in front of the boob tube.
He was a big fan of the Liam Neeson movies so it was no surprise when he started watching this show when it was adapted for the small screen. However, I don’t think he gets into “Taken” quite as much as he did the movies, considering he’s always doing some work when it’s on and it’s just playing for background noise.
11. “48 Hours”
My dad loves detective shows, evidenced by the inclusion of “Blue Bloods,” “Chicago PD” and “Hawaii Five-O” on this list. There’s something about seeing people fall victim to violent crimes that really interests my dad. Hey, don’t judge him. You know you tuned into the first week of “American Idol” for those brutal first week auditions.
He watches this show less and less now-a-days, it’s gotten too Hollywood for him he says, but there was a time when he was a ride-or-die fan of this show.