I Pity the Fool

I’m not a huge fan of Dancing with the Stars. In fact, I have my own nickname for it, but since I’m sure some of you reading this are good people who don’t appreciate foul language, I will omit the name as not to offend you. Personally, I find it to be quite similar to VH1’s now-defunct — thank God — The Surreal Life or aka where celebrities go to die as many of the contestants competing for the Silver Ball are just washed-up, over-bleached celebrities clinging on to their last 15 minutes.

Now I know what you’re thinking. Davin, if you don’t like Dancing with the Stars then why are you writing this article? Well, it’s a good question, and I’ll tell you why. It’s because I love my parents and spending time with them. I’m a freelance sports writer for my local paper in Danville, Virginia, and I keep a very crazy schedule, which is fine by me since the thought of working a regular 9-5 gets my skin crawling just thinking about it. But it also means several late nights and by the time I get home from visiting my girlfriend on some nights, my parents are getting tucked in the bed, meaning I might only get a 10-minute conversation with them.

I had the night off last Monday so I sat down with them and watched the season-opener. My curiosity began to peek when I saw David Ross — the ex-Boston Red Sox/Chicago Cubs catcher and two-time World Series champion was on the show. However, my excitement boiled over like water left on a heating stove for two hours when I saw Mr. T was a contestant.

It’s not that I’m a particularly big fan of Mr. T. I had just been born when he broke onto the scene when he played James “Clubber” Lang in Rocky III or Sergeant Bosco “B.A.” Baracus in The A-Team. However, as I writer and aspiring humorist, his presence on the show leaves several golden opportunities at my doorstep and this blog will be the first attempt at capturing them.

So, in that spirit, please sit back and enjoy my mistakes of great hashtag moments from Mr. T’s first two weeks on the show.

 

#Ipitythefoolthathastojudgeme

#Ipitythefoolwhogivesmea22

#IpitythefoolwhosetoesIaccidentallystepon

#doIreallyhavetochachatothethemefromtheAteam

#IdonthatemycompetionIjustpitythem

#Ipitythepasadoble

#reallyIhavetodanceintheboxingring?

#reallyeyeofthetiger?

#thisissoplayedout

#youknowyoustilllovemyhair

#howthehellamIsupposedtodanceinallthisgold?

#thisgoldisheavy

#IlooklikeaballroomRUNDMC

#aintgotnotimeforjibberjabber

#iainteverheardthewordpasobefore

#ipitythefoolwhocountsmeout

#dontmakemedotherope-a-dopeonyou

#iknowhowtobringmyagamefool

#grrrr….

#ipitythefoolwhohastoteachmehowtodance

#imtoooldforthisshit

#mywholebodyhurts

 

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